The first few days after a loved one dies, you just survive - you don't have much choice in the matter. Those days are immensely difficult. There is so much pain that you can't think straight - it's as if you're in a fog. If you're a Christian, you experience God's peace, but even scripture states that there is a time to mourn and a time to weep (Ecc. 3:4), and this is definitely a time for these things.

While freshly grieving, you just don't feel like yourself. The routine you are used to following disappears for a time. You don't know what you're supposed to do and you don't really care about much. You hurt - it's just the way it is.

However, you do need to establish some semblance of order and direction after the first week or so, because if you don't, you may slide into such a deep grief you'll have trouble pulling yourself out.

I hope that these tidbits will give you some direction so that at the end of your day you'll feel you did something productive - even if it was something little. If you're in a support role to a grieving friend or loved one, I hope that these survival tips will give you something to share that will truly make a difference in the life of the one that you love.

• Have healthy, convenient (and easy to digest) food on hand for quick nourishment.
  • You probably won't want to eat - even the energy it takes to chew will wear you down - but if you don't eat you will physcially drop. There's enough stress right now - give your body some fuel.
  • Some ideas for quick, nourishing snacks or meals:
  • Fresh Fruit, Fruit and Nut Bars (Larabar), Whey Protein Mixes, Yogurt, Whole Grain Cereals (Preferably Sprouted - Ezekiel), Healthy Sprouted or Soaked Bread (French Meadow or Ezekiel Bread) for toast or sandwiches.

• Beyond the first week or so - Don't let youself sleep in too late.
• Sleep is a way to escape your pain, but it will be there when you wake up - so wake up and seek God's word for help, hope and perspective. If you have other children, they need this in the morning as well. Sneak away to the bathroom for a cry if you need to (turn the water on and flush the toilet so you don't have to be completely quiet - vacuum cleaners work well too).
• Enlist a close and understanding friend/friends to motivate you.
• Do you need a phone call to get you up and moving in the morning? Someone to tell you step by step what to do next...make coffee, set out bowls and spoons and cereal. Someone to call at lunch time to get you going on making lunch? In the first few weeks, you may very well need someone to tell you what your next step is.
• Allow others to help you with basic things: laundry, cooking, childcare, etc.
• If nobody has offered these things to you, ask somebody to get help for you - if you can have help with these things for about a month it would be very helpful.
• Write out prayers in a journal.
• Prayer is VERY important, but when you're tired and emotionally spent, it's hard to stay focused on your prayers. If you don't pray, you won't SEE God's answers- so write your prayers out - it will be a blessing to look back at someday and will allow you to stay focused on the purpose of your prayer.
• Allow yourself time to cry.
• Find a place you can go and SOB. Just get it all out. Even if you have to go and sit in your car or go into a closet - let out the emotion.
• Allow yourself a distraction once in a while - a temporary escape.
• If you sit and think...and remember all the time, you'll wear down and be no good to anybody else (or yourself). Allow some escapes from your grief:
• Accept an invitation for fellowship - even if you don't feel like it.
• Play a game and allow yourself to laugh.
• Watch a funny movie - go ahead and laugh too.
• Go to the zoo or the park and enjoy your children's laughter.

• Get a Haircut and/or a new outfit. Little things can pick you up for a while.
• You may not think you want to do this, but it really will make you feel better.
• TALK TALK TALK
• Don't keep too much to yourself. If you don't have anybody in your house to talk to, call somebody. IF you need to talk, make sure you find somebody to listen. If you can't find anybody - talk to the Lord.
• Don't be around people who irritate you or say stupid things.
• Inevitably you'll end up with people like this now and then, but don't purposely be around them because you won't be able to deal with them. I was NOT able to deal with people who were insincere so I avoided them at all costs.
• Don't get in arguments, Don't confront issues.
• You don't have energy for them. If something irritates you, just let it go. There are more important things to deal with.